DEAR DIARY

i love rain more than anything. the rain and the snow. it gives me a cleansing feeling. there's so much turmoil in my life and yet i feel as if it is insignifigant, even belittled by the situations of many of those around me. i've been comparing my life to theirs and trying to rationalize "hey, it could be worse" but then i find myself crying at an in-depth look at my own problems, if there are any at all. sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me, not my life, and that it's all in my head and i'm only making it seem like it's bad so that i have an excuse to wallow in my own self-pity. i don't think anyone knows, but i cry very easily. i do it often too. i catch myself all the time with the impulse to do so at school. i would just die, but bottling it all up inside is not helping. dad and my therapist, maggie, tell me i've got some kind of "social anxiety disorder". i tell them they're full of shit...well, in my head i do. dad and maggie suggested anti-depressants. am i depressed? i didn't notice. most people tell me i'm "bubbly"...wierd. i should take some tai-kwan-do. it'd be kinda cool to and my friend and lil bro are in it. my friend actually teaches it and another used to but uh, he kinda got in trouble. it seems like i'm always the last person to know stuff-it makes me look so stupid and people often say i'm "clueless" which makes some assume i'm "blonde at heart". AAHHH! well, i suppose you guys want some REAL poems, so i'll conclude this by saying: these are actual thoughts i just had that i simply typed up as soon as they entered my mind-thus why they're a bit unorganized, but now you know that this is what goes through my head so this is kinda personal. ok...


	Writings \| home DEAR DIARY i love rain more than anything. the rain and the snow. it gives me a cleansing feeling. there's so much turmoil in my life and yet i feel as if it is insignifigant, even belittled by the situations of many of those around me. i've been comparing my life to theirs and trying to rationalize "hey, it could be worse" but then i find myself crying at an in-depth look at my own problems, if there are any at all. sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me, not my life, and that it's all in my head and i'm only making it seem like it's bad so that i have an excuse to wallow in my own self-pity. i don't think anyone knows, but i cry very easily. i do it often too. i catch myself all the time with the impulse to do so at school. i would just die, but bottling it all up inside is not helping. dad and my therapist, maggie, tell me i've got some kind of "social anxiety disorder". i tell them they're full of shit...well, in my head i do. dad and maggie suggested anti-depressants. am i depressed? i didn't notice. most people tell me i'm "bubbly"...wierd. i should take some tai-kwan-do. it'd be kinda cool to and my friend and lil bro are in it. my friend actually teaches it and another used to but uh, he kinda got in trouble. it seems like i'm always the last person to know stuff-it makes me look so stupid and people often say i'm "clueless" which makes some assume i'm "blonde at heart". AAHHH! well, i suppose you guys want some REAL poems, so i'll conclude this by saying: these are actual thoughts i just had that i simply typed up as soon as they entered my mind-thus why they're a bit unorganized, but now you know that this is what goes through my head so this is kinda personal. ok...